"SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEEEEEEASE...."

In the words of The Wedding Singer that is. If you've never seen it, see it, even if it's just for his song - so gut wrenchingly heartfelt and raw, wonderful. Up til now i've related to it most closely the moment i've stepped out of a stats exam on various occasions at uni, but after arriving at home for the Easter break, it's taken on a whole new meaning. Let me explain.

FRIDAY: Last day of uni before 3 week Easter break. Mum comes up in the Evening to stay over, and it was lovely, but still a huge shock to the system to have a mum again, and it was soon apparent she's never going to be happy with my hair style.

SATURDAY: After a lot of goodbyes, we set off back home. I was supposed to be going home on Sunday afternoon as i was down to do an Archery competition Sunday morning, but decided to go a day early to see Dad in a Folk, Gospel & Blues concert. My (mostly self-inflicted) sleep deprivation from the last month meant i was shattered, arriving home confused and disorientated. Man, it's so eerie here, it was saturday afternoon and no-one was around - like the second coming had been and gone and i'd missed it. And where are all the mountains?? I'd never noticed how flat this place is. Anyway, i had to cook the dinner for family (so what's the point in coming home?! jk) and rush out to help at the concert. I was absolutely useless. But with all this going on, Ben, my former long(ish)-term boyfriend was also playing there, and if i'm honest with myself, i was as much going to the concert to see him as i was my Dad as i hadn't seen him for 8 or 9 months. We had a lovely conversation. I forgot about how well we got on. How nice he is. Can't stop thinking... After all this, i broke down feeling lonely, confused and disorientated, crying down the phone to Catherine. I wanted to go back to uni.

SUNDAY: Never made it out of my PJs. Did nothing but drink tea, play guitar and print off soul survivor sheet music the entire day. Felt better though. Til the evening, when my conversation with another former boyfriend left much to be desired on my part - and leaves me feeling completely useless and awful like everything i touch seems to turn bad. I hope i still have a friend at the end of it all. Will i ever have a good, wholesome, fulfilling relationship that doesn't turn bad? Hopefully. I'm trusting God, but in the mean time man-fast's in full swing and i'm praying my damaged relationships with specific other's might be reconciled.

Maybe i really will be a nun, who knows?

ps. Please leave comments! (it's just nice to know who's read :) )